I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
