My friends, they love my intelligence
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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