I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
