I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
