i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
