we have officially mastered the walk of shame
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
