Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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