There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
