i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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