The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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