I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
