can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
where are you?
Hypothermia
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
