mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
