This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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