I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
