At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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