mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
