Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
