We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
