girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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