Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
