I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
