I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
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