Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(907): View more from Alaska

The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.

(907): View more from Alaska

Nevermind, it's not water.

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(915): View more from Texas

I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper

Fav 16 4496 1924
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(303): View more from Colorado

They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.

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(517): View more from Michigan

Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.

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(540): View more from Virginia

Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.

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(330): View more from Ohio

I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.

Fav 1 676 368
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(505): View more from New Mexico

I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???

Fav 2 311 139
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(360): View more from Washington

Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.

(1-360): View more from Washington

happy birthday!

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