After last night, I could never be a politician.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
