I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
