I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
