reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize