The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
