Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
