Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
