I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize