I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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