Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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