there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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