Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
