so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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