living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
