omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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