So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
