he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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