I love black thongs
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
