elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
