Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
