i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize