Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
