there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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