the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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