In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
