His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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