last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He better not be in your backpack
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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