I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
