I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Randomize
