I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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