Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
