Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize