i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
