what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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