ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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