Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize