You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
