i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
