After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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