there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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