they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
