i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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