stop calling my apartment porn island.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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