Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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