I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
