the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
