If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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