He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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