My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
