Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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