Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
