We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
