I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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