we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
