I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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