I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
