It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
