My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
