Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry jellybeanz1337 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(718): View more from New York

We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun

Fav 18 8116 972
share tweet
(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.

Fav 58 1556 15732
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(302): View more from Delaware

dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit

Fav 13 7073 1527
share tweet
(44): View more from United Kingdom

Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?

Fav 34 4236 1917
share tweet
(405): View more from Oklahoma

You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.

Fav 6 4014 1159
share tweet
(661): View more from California

I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.

Fav 5 1307 2679
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.

Fav 5 2558 1665
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(513): View more from Ohio

If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.

Fav 7 1317 659
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(218): View more from Minnesota

Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!

Fav 0 48 12
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT