4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
