he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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