yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
