They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
