god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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