i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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