yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Randomize
