Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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