she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
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