hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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