No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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