I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
