some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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