Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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