I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
