I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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