dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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