no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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