Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
