how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
