Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
