My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize