When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
