I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
