i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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