my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
