i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
