Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
This house was built for laser tag.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
