I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
