No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
