he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
